Jessica
by CBloom2
Summary: I wondered what it might be like for the boys to visit Jessica's grave together - then have something a little 'out of this world' happen.  Lots of emo Sam and big brother Dean at his finest. Set after 'Bloody Mary' so maybe a few spoilers for that epi.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a very old story of mine – slightly re-edited. Always been a fan of hurt/emotional/strung out etc Sam and big brother Dean. This story has big brother Dean at his finest (in my opinion) with a little emotional Sam thrown in for good measure.**

**Set after Season 1 Bloody Mary so slight spoilers for that episode – I wondered what it might be like for the boys to visit Jessica's grave together, then have something a little 'out of this world' happen.**

**Probably about 3 - 4 chapters long with no evil cliffies and as usual I own nothing – I borrow so that I can make them cry!**

JESSICA

"You're my brother…I'd die for you – but there are some things that I need to keep to myself," Sam Winchester said as he threw a half smile at his older brother, Dean, who was sitting in the drivers seat of their Chevy Impala.

They had just finished ridding the town of 'Bloody Mary' who seemed to prey on people with 'secrets' – ones that usually involved somebody dying. Sam had lured her to her own mirror from her past allowing Dean to destroy it along with Mary herself. Unfortunately not before Sam's 'mirror image' had pulled him through the wringer regarding Jessica.

Dean shuddered as he recalled finding Sam on his knees, clutching his chest, with blood pouring from his eyes. He could still hear his brother's ragged breathing as he tried to stop the pain and the emotion tearing him apart. Dean also remembered the final words from the mirror, "You dreamt it would happen!" So that must have been Sam's little secret, that he'd had a dream about Jessica's death. Dean wondered whether he should say something to his brother, who was at that moment in time, staring out of the window with a confused look on his face - he decided not to. He was sure that Sam would tell him when he was ready, "Hey Sam, you ok? No after effects from the evil mirror?" Dean stole another glance at his brother, concerned about how quiet he had been.

Sam shook his head, "No, I'm good…you?"

Dean let the shift of attention onto him slide…for now, "I'm fine. Listen, how about we stop at the first motel and get an early start on some sleep. I think we could both use it," Dean finished with a huge yawn as if to make his point. Sam nodded but said nothing. Dean sighed quietly; it was going to be a long day!

They came upon a small motel about an hour into their journey, "I'll go check us in," said Dean as he opened the drivers' door. He walked into the reception area and rang the bell that was stuck to the desk. A young kid, no more than 12 or 13 came out and stared at him. It made Dean feel a little uncomfortable, "Hm, can I get a room – two beds…" He watched as the kid looked around him out of the window, then he looked back at him with a smirk. Dean huffed…not again, he thought.

Dean paid with one of his credit cards, "Room 10 Mr…Jones," the kid said as he handed the key to Dean.

He took it as he mumbled his thanks, turned and almost ran out of the place. Sam was unloading the trunk when he saw his brothers' quick strides, "Not again?" He smiled.

Dean looked at him angrily, "Why do they always think we're gay?"

Sam shrugged his shoulders, as he grabbed his bag and laptop.

Dean opened the door to their room, which was nice for once. There were two double beds, a fairly large table and chairs and, as Sam had already found, a coffee maker. Sam was already setting the machine to brew as Dean raised his eyebrow in surprise, "Come on Dean… I need the caffeine!"

Dean smiled and shook his head, "Do you want the shower first?"

"No, I'm good. You go first."

"Ok, but I can't promise they'll be any hot water left!" He insisted as he made his way to the bathroom.

"Jerk!"

Dean laughed, "Bitch."

Sam smiled to himself as he poured his coffee, pleased that Dean hadn't pressed more about what was on his mind, even though he knew that his brother was onto him. He settled himself on his bed, flicking aimlessly through the TV channels, while listening to his siblings 'melodious' singing coming from the bathroom. Before long he had drifted off to sleep.

"You killed her…you knew it would happen, didn't you? You killed her. You dreamt it would happen!"

"SAM! Wake up! Sam!" Someone was shouting his name and shaking the living daylights out of him.

He dragged his eyes open, "Dean…"

His brother sat down on the side of his bed, "Who else genius?"

Sam started to get up, then realised that his face was wet. He ducked his head so that his brother wouldn't see, but Dean had already seen it and was trying to make himself busy so as not to draw attention to it.

"You wanna talk about it?" Dean asked, already knowing the answer.

"Oh you know, same old stuff," Sam got up, "Any hot water left?"

Dean shrugged, "Maybe…"

Sam rolled his eyes as he made his way to the bathroom, acutely aware that his brother was staring holes into his back. He stopped at the door and turned to his sibling, who was watching him with thinly veiled concern, "I'm fine Dean, really."

"Yeah, whatever…" Dean mumbled.

**I'm leaving it there for now as I think if I carry on to where I was originally going to start chapter 2 it may make it really long. I hope I'm doing this right.**

**Next chapter we find out what's bugging Sam – did you get the feeling that something was on Sam's mind? Please review and let me know if it's worth carrying on.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I would like to thank all of you who put me on favourites or story alerts. Means a lot and even though there were no reviews (as of typing this chapter) I will post the rest of the story because I can't leave anything unfinished.**

Jessica – Chapter 2

An hour later, Sam and Dean were sat in the diner across the road from their motel. Dean was quickly demolishing his meal while Sam was pushing his food around the plate, "It's not gonna kill you, you know…"

Sam glanced at his brother, "I'm just not very hungry…"

"Again," mumbled Dean.

If Sam heard this he didn't let on. He set his fork down with a clatter and took a mouthful of coffee. Dean finished his last morsel of food, wiped his mouth, and then sat back on his chair with a contented sigh. He watched his brother who was busying himself with drinking coffee then wiping his hands. Dean could see all sorts of emotions and thoughts plastered on his sibling's face, most of them not good, and that didn't sit well with Dean, "Ok Sam, spill – what's going on in that head of yours?" Sam's eyes went wide with surprise, "And don't even think about telling me that there's nothing going on or that you're fine – you've had something on your mind all day so you either tell me or I'll … well I don't know what I'll do but I'll think of something!" He insisted.

Sam smiled at Dean's insistence, he could always rely on his big brother to know when something's wrong. He set his cup down and took a deep breath, "I'd like to go visit Jessica." Sam's statement took Dean by surprise – he hadn't been expecting that, "Excuse me?"

"I haven't been back since the funeral and… well I …" Sam swallowed the last part of what he was going to say, "It's not like we've got anything lined up…" he stammered.

Dean took in his brothers' appearance. Pale, too pale face, shadows under his eyes were getting bigger by the hour. Although the request unsettled Dean he had a feeling that letting Sam do this would perhaps in the long term help his brother settle more, "Ok, look, we'll finish up here then I'll drop you at the bus station and I'll come pick you up when you're ready…" Dean stopped when he saw his brothers face pale even more.

"Bus station? Oh … ok…sounds good…" Sam mumbled as he swallowed hard. That hadn't been part of the plan.

"Sammy, what are you not saying?"

"Nothing…sounds like a plan…" Sam was getting slightly agitated, Dean could tell.

"Sam for goodness sake, will you spit it out already!" Dean all but yelled. He never did have patience when Sam was saying one thing but looking like something else.

"I'd like you to come with me…" Sam whispered, while he nervously played with his coffee cup.

To say that Dean was stunned by the request would be an understatement, "You want me to come with you to see the grave of your dead girlfriend, whom I only met once?" He had to check, "No offense meant Sammy…"

Sam glanced at his brother, then out of the window, back to his brother, fiddled again with his cup, all the while sporting a nervous look on his face. Dean could've slapped himself. It was obvious that Sam had found it hard making the request of his brother and Dean hadn't made it any easier for him. He was brought out of his thoughts by a quiet, "I know it's a strange request, Dean, but it's just that with everything that's happened lately, especially on the last hunt, I just really feel like I need to see Jess again," Sam paused waiting for the sarcastic comment abut being a girl etc to come – it didn't so he pressed on, "You never really got a chance to meet her properly and…you'd have loved her Dean. I know its lame, but …" he stopped himself before it got to chick flicky.

"Of course I'll go with you, if that's what you want," Dean had never been able to resist the wounded puppy look – even at 23 years of age, "I'm not sure what good it'll do though – I'm not exactly the best guy for this sort of thing." Dean always felt a little uncomfortable with the emotional stuff – that was more Sam's thing.

"You'll be there. I just need you there," Sam whispered.

**AN – so that was a short chapter but I just wanted to do a chapter on what was on Sam's mind. It's probably a little out of character, but hey, that's how I like to write the boys.**

**I really hope this will make sense as I am always nervous that my stories never do. Anyway, I hope you have read this and if you have please drop a few words into that review box, all comments appreciated.**

**Two more chapters, the next one being the longest – hope to see you there!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's chapter 3 – this is quite a long one and deals with the guys in the cemetery – hope its ok. **

**Well here goes…**

**Jessica – Chapter 3**

The following morning dawned golden and warm. Sam and Dean were up as early as the sun ready to get a head start on their long trip back to Jessica.

Sam drove first, and then Dean took over when Sam was so exhausted he nearly drove headlong into a tree. As they neared their destination Sam began to feel nervous. He didn't know why he felt like that but his unease grew the nearer they got. As always Dean sensed the change in his brother, "You ok? You seem a little…on edge."

"I'm fine," came the old faithful answer.

"Shall we check into a motel first?" Dean asked, wondering if Sam had a plan of sorts.

"Can we go to the cemetery first…I might get some sleep if we do that."

Dean nodded while his eyes were on the road, "Here we are then," he announced, as the immaculately kept cemetery came into view.

They parked up in a corner space, so no-one could park near Dean's pride and joy. As they made their way across the car park, Sam stopped abruptly, "Sam…what…?" Dean looked round trying to make sense of why Sam had stopped so suddenly. He looked at his brothers' face as it lost what little colour it had left, "That's Jess's parents car…" he trailed off casting nervous glances around him. At his little brothers stricken demeanour Dean found himself feeling slightly apprehensive, "We can come back later if you want," he suggested.

Before Sam could answer, the tension was broken with a shout, "Sam! Sam is that you?"

They both turned round to find the source of the voice. Sam swallowed audibly and plastered on a fake smile, "Mrs Moore, hi, it's good to see you," he insisted although Dean could see right through the act.

Jessica's mother quickened her step as her long, blonde hair flew behind her. As soon as she reached Sam she pulled him into a strong embrace, "How are you? I'd hoped you'd call after…I didn't have a number for you… how have you been?" She smiled at him as she let him go.

"I'm fine Mrs Moore. I'm still road tripping with my brother…oh sorry Dean this is Mrs Moore, Jessica's mum."

Sam took a step back to allow Dean to move forward with his hand outstretched, "Pleasure to meet you, I'm just sorry that it has to be here."

Mrs Moore's eyes grew sad, "Yes, I'd been hoping for a church service, just not a funeral…"

Dean's eyes grew wide in recognition of her meaning, Sam meanwhile, got even more agitated; "I'm just going…" he trailed off as he sped off as fast as was polite. Dean would've laughed at how embarrassed Sam was, except he was too concerned about his brother's emotional well being to find any fun in it. Mrs Moore watched Sam as he made his way through the gravestones to find the one he wanted. She then cast a quick glance at Dean, who seemed oblivious to her scrutiny, "You're worried about him," she stated more than asked, "Is he alright? Jessica loved him very much and I think he loved her…"

Dean swallowed thickly, "He did," he said quietly, unable to trust his voice, "He still has nightmares every night, about the fire. He doesn't sleep much, he doesn't eat much, he blames himself…Then out of the blue he asks to come and see her today, he said he wanted to tell me all about her…" Dean shook his head, still confused as to why Sam wanted him there. Then he felt a hand on his arm, "He was going to propose to her today – he had asked my husband – we were planning a meal…" she couldn't finish as tears coursed down her cheeks.

Dean was shocked that Sam had not mentioned any of this, it must have shown because Mrs Moore said, "Didn't he tell you?"

"No, he didn't. When he left for Stanford, things weren't… well let's just say that we weren't very close then…"

"That's not how Sam saw it. He spoke about you often, and although he never really said it out loud, he missed you a great deal, more than he would care to admit, even to himself."

They both watched in silence as Sam knelt down by the side of a gravestone – his head falling forward. Dean knew, even from that distance that his brother was suffering an agony that couldn't be made right with just a pat on the back or an 'everything will be ok' – he needed to be with him…now.

"I don't mean to be rude Mrs Moore, but I really need to go to Sam." He started to move away but was stopped yet again by a hand on his arm, "I understand," she agreed quietly. As she began to walk away she stopped and turned to the older Winchester, "Take care of him Dean. Don't let the pointless guilt he carries destroy him!" She insisted.

Dean gazed at her, shocked by what she had said, "I know what its like. I had nightmares for weeks after it happened – I felt guilty for letting her leave home, I still do, but I have to remember that it was what she wanted, and that she wanted to be with Sam and I have to hold on to the fact that she was extremely happy with him and for that I'm forever thankful. I can see that it's tearing Sam apart…I couldn't bear to see another young person taken from us… From what I could gather from the little snippets of information he told us about you, you were the only one he felt he could turn to when he needed someone, and I think he really needs that someone now…" She finished with a sad smile. Dean didn't know what to say, "I'll make sure he stays in touch."

She nodded and then with one final glance at Sam she returned to her car.

Dean looked over towards his brother again, who was now sitting on the grass re-arranging the flowers that he had just put there. He had never realised that Sam had thought that about him. He just assumed that once he'd left for Stanford that he'd been forgotten…but he hadn't. Before he knew what had happened, his feet had taken him over to where his brother was, "You ok?" Dumb question, he knew, but it broke the awkward silence.

Sam was about to reply, but thought better of it and just shook his head.

Dean felt a lump form in his throat as he saw the look of desolation that crossed his younger siblings face, wishing he could take that look away for him. He moved round so he was by Sam's side and looked at the picture of Jess on the gravestone, "You know Sam, she was gorgeous! How on earth did you ever get her to go out with you?" Dean hoped that a little humour might ease the tension a little.

"I was just very lucky, I guess…" Sam replied flatly.

Dean sighed, that didn't work, "Well I think she was the lucky one," he said. Sam stared at him, his mouth trying to form words but failing.

Dean turned again to the grave stone, "Hey Jessica, it's Dean, Sam's big brother – we met once, fleetingly… ah the Smurfs. Anyway, geek boy here wanted me to meet you so here I am. And you know I don't feel that ridiculous talking to a stone…" He heard a small chuckle coming from the side of him, all was not lost, so… "Look Jessica, Sam still blames himself for what happened. I tell him it's not his fault, but he doesn't seem to believe me. I wish you were here to tell him that there was nothing that he could've done – he didn't know…"

"I did," came a whisper.

Dean turned to look at him, waiting for him to continue. When he didn't Dean started to prod, "What do you mean you did? How could you have known?"

Sam swallowed hard and began re-arranging the flowers again. Dean put a hand on his arm to stop him. Sam stopped but Dean didn't move his hand, "I dreamt about it, for days before it happened. I could feel the blood on my face – the searing heat of the flames…I knew, but I did nothing about it. How could I have not kept her safe?" Sam faltered, trying desperately to suck in the emotion that was threatening to engulf him.

Dean sat quietly as Sam tried to pull himself together, "I know about the dreams Sam. The last hunt – Bloody Mary – I heard your mirror twin taunting you."

Sam lowered his head, "It was right. I was so desperate to be normal so I took no notice of the dream – I lost her…I loved her so much Dean…"

Dean nodded as he prepared himself for the biggest 'chick flick' moment ever, "Jess's mum told me that you were going to propose – you never told me," Dean tried not to sound hurt.

"We weren't really on speaking terms Dean. I didn't think you'd want to know," Sam said, sadly.

"I would've appreciated the chance to make my own decision…" Dean grumbled.

"I know I'm sorry man…" was all Sam could muster.

"Tell me a bit about her Sam – why did you want to marry her?" Dean pressed.

"She was everything you could wish for and more. Beautiful, intelligent, kind, caring, loyal…she'd made me cookies you know, that night…she hated baking but she'd made them anyway…"Sam smiled as he recalled finding the cookies on the hall table with the note 'Missed you – love you', "She never doubted me, even when I doubted myself. She made me believe that I could be a lawyer…" Sam's eyes shone with unshed tears.

"She made you happy didn't she?" Stupid question Dean.

Sam nodded, "More than I even knew until she was gone. You'd have loved her Dean," he insisted.

"She made you happy Sam, that's enough for me. Anyone who could put a smile on your face and make you feel alive as she did deserves everyone's love and respect. You're my brother Sam and you deserve to be loved in that special way…" Dean shuddered to a stop. This was getting a little, no, a lot to emotional for him to cope with. He looked at his brother expecting him to have a comment ready for his little speech, but Sam was staring at him with tears cascading down his pale face. The dam had been breached!

Dean sat for a minute, a little unsure what to do, but his protective instinct soon kicked in and he moved swiftly to Sam, taking his broken little brother into his arms. He could feel Sam trembling as the sobs tore through him. Dean felt helpless. There was nothing he could do to help his brother…except maybe what he was already doing.

Presently the sobbing ceased but Sam wasn't about to let go of Dean just yet. They stayed locked together for a few more minutes, before Dean pulled away first, to wipe his own eyes. Sam felt chilled when Dean moved away, Dean noticed him shiver, "You ok Sam?"

"Yeah, just a little cold…That was some moment huh?"

Dean relaxed slightly, "Yeah, you've used all your moments for the next ten years!"

Sam sniggered, "Thanks man, for everything. I couldn't have done it without you. It means a lot…you coming here and everything…"

"You're welcome Sam. I'm glad I came," Dean replied with sincerity, "Now can we make a move before my butt freezes!"

Sam chuckled as he got up alongside Dean. He paused before he left to lay a hand on the grave stone, "I'll come see you again Jess, I promise. I love you!"

He smiled at Dean and started walking away, "You know what Dean, I could really use some sleep," Sam yawned as if to prove his point.

"Alrighty then, let's get a room…that sounded wrong…" But it lightened his heart when he heard Sam chuckling as he walked away.

**That's it for chapter 3 – told you it was long, but was it any good? Not sure if I'm happy with it – lots of talking, but necessary for the story. Anyway please review so I know whether it's any good or not.**

**Thanks **


	4. Chapter 4

**So here it is – the final chapter. Not sure I'm totally happy with it but still…enjoy.**

**Jessica – chapter 4**

Within an hour both boys were showered and fast asleep. The day had been draining, both physically and emotionally so they really needed the rest.

In the middle of the night, Sam woke up with a start. What had woken him, he didn't know so he decided to go to the bathroom. He padded across the carpeted floor in the dark, so as not to disturb is slumbering brother. When he had finished he made his way back to his bed, pausing momentarily to watch his sibling who was snoring softly. He couldn't help the smile that graced his lips at seeing this. He had really appreciated Dean's presence at the cemetery that day, more than he could probably ever convey without making Dean feel uncomfortable.

He climbed back into bed and could feel himself drifting back into sleep. Suddenly a bright light appeared in his vision from out of nowhere.

"For crying out loud Sam, switch the light off!" Dean groused.

"I haven't got the light on," Sam replied quietly.

Dean opened his eyes slightly, "What the hell…"

As the light began to fade slightly, it became apparent that this was not an ordinary light, "Jess…" Sam breathed.

Jessica's form turned toward his voice. She looked exactly the same as she did when Sam had seen her on the road after their last hunt, with her blonde hair tumbling down onto her shoulders, "Sam," She smiled.

Sam stole a quick glance at his brother, and judging by the awed expression on his face, he was seeing exactly the same image.

"Sam, you have to listen to me when I say that what happened to me was not your fault. Even if you had known what was going to happen, how would you have been able to stop it? It was my destiny…" She smiled serenely at him, showing now signs of resentment, just love and understanding.

Sam felt his heart pull, "I wanted to join you … so much."

"Sam?" Dean choked, this was news to him.

"It's true. I felt so guilty that I just wanted to curl up and die…it was to hard…" he glanced over at Dean, whose stricken face was almost to much for Sam to bear, "But I couldn't…I couldn't leave you…and dad…" he couldn't finish.

Dean swallowed thickly, how could he have not known how Sam was feeling.

He then saw Jessica reach out a hand towards his little brother. Her face was a picture of love and devotion, that he almost lost what little control he had right there and then.

"Sam, no mater what you think, it's isn't your time…" Jessica's form began to dissipate slowly, "I have to go – be happy Sam, know that I will always be with you. I love you so much…always remember that. You have to move on…please, for me…"

"Jess," Sam felt his heart begin to break for the second time.

"Dean take care of him…please," Jessica smiled.

"Always," Dean managed to croak out.

With one last look at Sam, Jessica disappeared.

"No!" Sam exclaimed, "Not again…" He dropped his head into his hands.

Dean immediately moved over to his brothers' side. He placed a hand on his siblings' head and softly began to move his hand through Sam's hair in the hope of offering some sort of comfort.

Sam caught hold of Dean's wrist and looked at his brother. Dean gasped when he saw Sam's face. It had that same look on it that Jessica's had on hers when she looked at Sam, before she left, "I'm so glad you met her man!" He said, with tears running down his face.

"Me too little brother, me too! Everything will be ok, I promise…"

Sam nodded, "Yeah, maybe…"

**So that's it. Does the ending really suck? Was the 'out of this world' scene a little to out of this world?**

**I've got some other old stories that I've thought about publishing, but I'm not so sure…**

**Hope you enjoyed it and please feel free to review, come on you know you want to.**

**Thanks to all who have taken the time to read – put the story on alert – and review. It really means a lot!**

**Until next time?**


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